How to Be Nice When You Feel Like a Poop Emoji

Nice on the Outside, Storm on the Inside

Let’s be real - living with a chronic illness can often make us feel like a walking, talking poop emoji 💩. Between the unpredictable symptoms, medication side effects, and the constant game of juggling work, relationships, and self-care, it’s no wonder moods can run hot. And yet, even when we’re at our lowest - tired, frustrated, and over it all - we still care about showing up as kind humans. In this blog, we’ll explore why chronic illness often turns up the irritability dial, how that impacts our ability to connect with others, and why being nice still matters (even when it feels impossible). Most importantly, we’ll share some practical, judgment-free tips for staying kind, even when you feel anything but.

Why the Raging Storm?

If you live with a chronic illness and find yourself snapping more than usual, you're not imagining it: there are real, biological and situational reasons behind that short fuse. 

Photo by Daniel Lerman, Upsplash

First off, the disease itself plays a big role. Many chronic conditions are rooted in systemic inflammation, which doesn’t just affect your body, it impacts your brain too. Inflammation can mess with sleep, throw hormones out of balance, and leave us in a constant state of fatigue. Add chronic pain to the mix, and it’s no wonder our mental bandwidth feels razor-thin. Then come the medications. Many of us are on multiple prescriptions, some even off-label that come with their own mood-altering side effects. From zapping your energy to clouding your focus, meds can feel like their own mini roller coaster. 

Now layer in the everyday pressures: managing kids, work, a household, and relationships all while trying to function with a body that’s not playing nice - and in some cases, actually trying to kill us. And let’s not forget the financial strain that often tags along with chronic illness. These life stressors are hard enough on their own, but when compounded by pain, fatigue, and side effects, it’s like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle...on a tightrope…with a broken leg…on 4 hours of sleep. So if you’ve been wondering, “What is my problem?”—the answer is: you have a lot going on, and it’s completely valid. Our internal world can be so overwhelming and all-consuming, it would be easy to allow those feelings to run our lives. The good news is, we don’t have to. We have a choice.

Control What You Can: Let the Rest Go

There are things about our disease and our lives that we CAN control and others we CAN’T. We may not be able to change what is happening to our bodies, but there may be things we can do to mitigate the effects. In a similar sense, we may not be able to eliminate many of our responsibilities at home or work, but there are a few things we can do to make life easier on ourselves. 

Here are some tips to mitigate the various stressors:

Disease

1. Make some diet modifications to help support your body as it combats your respective chronic illness. This ‘diet’ will be different for all of us, dependent on the disease, allergies, preferences, etc. I highly recommend a diet that has an anti-inflammatory approach as long as there are no contraindications (check with your provider). For more information and suggestions related to an anti-inflammatory diet, see my blog post, “Food As Medicine: How an Anti-Inflammatory Approach Can Benefit Chronic Illness” (link to food as med blog)

2. Exercise at your own pace. We’ve all heard the multitude of benefits that exercise provides to our health. For those with a chronic illness and likely chronic fatigue, start with light exercise for short periods of time and VERY slowly over time and at your comfort level, increase your pace, weight, or time period. Slow and steady. The goal is to feel better, not worse. 

3. Prioritize your energy and activity. 

Medications

With your medical and/or naturopathic provider, assess the medications and supplements you take. Look at doses and interactions. Some providers don’t think to discuss this with patients. Many of us see multiple specialists which makes it tricky for the medical team to keep track of everything and look at the big picture. Advocate for yourself!

Life Responsibilities

1. Simplify, simplify, simplify.

2. Get rid of stuff: clothes, excess toys, books, random things we haven’t used in years. One room at a time, declutter your spaces.

3. Decrease the number of scheduled activities: kids’ sports and playdates, volunteer time, work or personal meetings that are not required and are not value-added

4. Meal planning. Make certain types of meals on certain days so we don’t have to put as much energy/thought into preparation (i.e. Taco Tuesdays)

5. Space out housework. Avoid clearing the entire house or apartment all at one time. It’s exhausting just thinking about it. Whew! Spread the work out in a way that makes sense for your schedule. Hire someone to clean your house once a month or see if you can do a trade with a friend - no shame in asking for help.

6. Communicate honestly, kindly, and clearly with friends, family and partners about what you can and cannot do. The people we love are always trying to find ways they can support us and ways they can feel useful. Communicate with them and ask them to do one small thing for you that will help decrease your stress. See the “Unseen Warriors” blog post for more details.

Financial Health

1. Manage medical expenses. We don’t have a lot of control here. Insurance covers what it covers and the rest is up to us. What we can do is stay on top of bills, make minimum payments, make sure we were charged the right amount and if there are any opportunities to improve coverage, take advantage of it. If your job offers Aflac, I highly recommend taking advantage of it. The price is worth the peace of mind.

2. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Over time, work toward simplifying your expenses so that you are only paying for the necessities. Being debt-free is a major stress reliever!

3. Take control of your money. If you are ready for a money outlook overhaul related to budgeting, debt, saving, and spending, check out my financial health blog posts in the Journey to Financial Freedom series. (link)

4. Prioritize. Don’t let this be another stressor. Getting financially healthy takes time. Just take one thing at a time, work on it until you have it where you want it and move on the next thing.

Taking Back Control (Where We Can)

While we may not be able to control the course of our chronic illness or completely clear our plates of life's responsibilities, there are things we can do to reduce the overwhelm and support our overall well-being. From making small, personalized changes to our diet and exercise routines to working with healthcare providers to assess medications, we can take meaningful steps to support our bodies. Simplifying our schedules, homes, and expectations can make a world of difference in reducing daily stress. And though we may not have total control over medical expenses, we can take ownership of our financial health, one small step at a time. The common thread here? Empowerment. These aren’t overnight fixes, but they are intentional choices we can make to reclaim a sense of balance and ease, even when life with chronic illness feels anything but balanced.

How to Be Nice When You Feel Like a Poop Emoji

Even if we are able to temper the extraneous stress factors, we are still left with how our disease makes us feel on a regular basis plus normal life stressors, which can still be overwhelming. Being nice when you feel like a poop emoji is a skill and must be practiced to be perfected. Don’t believe me? Imagine if everyone we encountered throughout our day allowed their insides to match their outsides. Yikes!

Nice Matters, Even When You’re Not Okay

Why is this important? You know that saying, “smile until you start to feel happy”? Or “fake it till you make it”? As cliché as they sound, there’s truth to the idea that kindness, even when it doesn’t come easily, can shift not only our own mindset but also uplift the people around us. Sometimes, those closest to us can sense our struggles, even if we haven’t said a word. When we manage to be kind in the middle of our own chaos, it can become an unexpected act of resilience—one that quietly inspires others.

Just the other day, my dad said to me,

“The way you look at life is holding me together. Just your positive attitude and how you handle life. I figure if you can do it, I can.”

I’ll be honest, I don’t feel like an inspiration. Lately, I feel like I’m barely keeping it together. My dad is facing his own stresses, and hearing him say that stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me that the way we carry ourselves matters, even when we’re running on empty. Nice matters, even when we’re not okay. We need only to ask the people around us.

Tips to Hiding Your Poop Emoji

How do we actually do it? How do we fight the urge to roll our eyes, walk away from a conversation or drop a salty comeback when we’re running on empty?

1. Take a deep breath - literally. A slow, deep breath can work wonders. If you have time, try a short meditation before stepping into a situation that might test your patience.

2. Remember: other people are going through stuff too. It takes real intention, but try stepping outside your own experience for a moment. Imagine what someone else might be carrying. You’ll be surprised how that tiny shift in perspective can soften your response.

3. Flash a smile (even if you don’t feel like it). You don’t have to fake happiness 24/7, but a single genuine, or even semi-genuine, smile can change the tone of an entire interaction. It’s a small thing that can go a long way.

4. Refuel before re-engaging. Take a 10-minute nap, do a quick meditation, go for a walk, or even just sit in silence for a few. Give yourself a moment to recharge before facing the next task or conversation.

5. Be kind to you. When you’re gentle with yourself - resting, nourishing, showing compassion - it becomes a lot easier to extend that kindness outward.

6. Suck it up (but wisely). Yep, sometimes the best option in the moment is to put on your best “everything’s fine” face and power through. Just don’t make this your default. Pushing it down every time can build up in unhealthy ways. Use this tip like hot sauce - sparingly, and only when needed.

7. Start small. If a big act of niceness feels like too much, go micro. Compliment your partner’s shirt. Thank your child for helping with dinner. Tiny kindnesses still count, and they add up.

The truth is, hiding our poop emoji doesn’t mean pretending everything’s perfect. It means choosing to show up with intention and care, even when we’d rather not. And that, my friends, is some serious strength.

Be Kind, Rewind (Your Expectations)

Photo by AA, Unsplash

At the end of the day, we all just do the best we can. Some days, that means wearing your poop emoji right on your sleeve and not caring who sees it - and that’s okay! The main thing is to be mindful of how our actions affect the people around us, doing our best to soften the blow, and give ourselves permission to let the rest go. There are times we know we’ve just hurt someone’s feelings with our tone of voice or something we said. If we catch it, a sincere apology goes a long way. Just be careful not to lean on “sorry” as a free pass. When overused without change, it loses its meaning. 

The key here is balance. Nice still matters, even when we’re not okay. A little kindness can shift our mindset and ripple out to those around us, but kindness doesn’t require perfection. It requires awareness, intention, and a willingness to grow. So, rewind your expectations. You’re not a superhero (even if you sometimes feel expected to be), and no one truly expects you to have it all together all the time. Give yourself grace, and offer it to others as well.

Add a comment below. Tell us one small nice thing you did for someone else today, despite not feeling well.